so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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