dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
