So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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