There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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