Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
