so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
