i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
