You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
