I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
