when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
