at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
