I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
