I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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