Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm passing your future prison.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
