Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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