I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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