You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
