Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
