so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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