I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
