I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
