Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize