She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
