If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think my moral compass just broke
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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