i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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