So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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