guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
