I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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