oh god the rape fog is back!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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