They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize