Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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