look no pants
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
