Non-Jews are for practice
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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