They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
a search helicopter?!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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