Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
