Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
