connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
