Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize