my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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