i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
