All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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