Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
