and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
