he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
