I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
