I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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