I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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