Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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