he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
