just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
