my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
