Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
