I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
