Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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