I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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