I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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