i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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