Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize