Me. At least after what I've been through.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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