just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
