My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
