Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
