i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
FUCK WHALES
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
