Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Randomize
