It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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