just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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