spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
