It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
