her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he puts the penis in happiness.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Farmville is her only friend.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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