he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
