I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
