I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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