He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
